Thursday, July 20, 2006

where do i begin to tell the story of how great a love can be



i got my hairs cut and they are quite short! tattoos on monday!!!

i've decided that the next pet i get will be named ampersand. take that, pica!!

and on a completely unrelated note, excerpts from an article in the philadelphia inquirer on stripping:

Do strippers have a First Amendment right to do that thing they do? Apparently not.
The decision came Tuesday in the case of an Atlantic City go-go bar, the Moulin Rouge, that was cited three years ago for violating New Jersey's lewdness standards.
"The courts in New Jersey have described lewdness as... 'erotic excitation,' whatever the hell that means," said Daniel A. Silver, a First Amendment lawyer from Connecticut who argued on behalf of the Moulin Rouge.
Dancers at the Moulin Rouge - like those at all New Jersey go-go bars that serve alcohol - may strip down only to a bikini. Silver noted, respectfully, that the Third Circuit had inaccurately described the Moulin Rouge as a "topless" bar."I don't consider this a strip club if they're wearing a bathing suit," Silver said yesterday before boarding his boat, the Free Speech, in the Long Island Sound.
"If a dancer in a bikini touches her breast and that's considered lewd, then she can't dance. She has to just stand there."

and i'm posting this because i find all of this highly comical. nipples! oh my good lord, cover up those nipples before the great moral fiber of our beloved country desinigrates! good sweet jebus...
i also find this hilarious for relatively obvious arrested development references

this morning i awoke to the sush nuzzling down into the covers next to me. upon entering he left the door open and i could hear my aunt's voice wafting up from the kitchen. i went downstairs to have breakfast and was talking to my mom, and i asked her what aunt terry was doing here, and she told me that she had to drop something off and mentioned something about how she wanted to travel with my mom. this is something along the lines of the conversation that ensued:
mom: since i certainly don't want to travel with your aunt, i recommended that she travel with mary fran & beth. you know about mary fran and her, you know, friend beth, right?
me: yes mom. and it's her girlfriend. they're gay mom, and you don't have to whisper the word gay.
mom: oh, yes, right, ok.

from my bed i could hear snippets of their conversation. my aunt said that she didn't want to travel with her daughter because she was uncomfortable with her daughter being gay and living with someone she's committed herself to for years. she said something like 'i do not approve of it, and i have a really hard time accepting it and her father doesn't accept it at all.' and my mom said well she's your daughter and you love her whether she's gay or a serial killer or whatever. (yes, my mother compared loving a gay son or daughter to loving a serial killer) and my aunt's reply was something like 'well it's one thing to accept them in a general sense, but it's totally different when it's your own child. i don't know what i did wrong'

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

my heart is a worried thing


i've been writing lately...



object & master of this not quite male gaze
my singles pay the bills of your electric sex
cut with thick smoke and thicker stares
inside my cubicle
cheap plywood walls drip
with desires of previous patrons
hands on knees that bounce
shots of anxiety chased with cheap foamy beer
slides past my lips in single-serve cups
pupils dilate
eyes roll back
as we dance
inhale your candy apple skin
& evaporate into the sweaty blue light

----------------

i've smashed you
into a thousand tiny pieces in my mind
but i can't seem to find my shoes
so these bloody footprints
follow me wherever i go
because your memory
is sharp as glass
and this tough exterior is just a facade
thinly veiling a soul
that very badly wants to forget
your bitter taste

---------------

i'm feeling rather cranky and cynical today... maybe it's the heat. maybe i just need to get the hell out of this place for good. seattle can't come soon enough.

i've also been feeling rather reclusive lately. i'm bored with casual conversations with people i have little in common with. i'm tired of listening to people talk about inane shit i don't care about just so i have someone to talk to. i want to make new friends. i'm tired of lying in bed at night waiting to fall asleep because i'm not tired. i feel like a prisoner in my house, a zombie completely devoid of emotion. i miss real connections with people i love. i want to fall in love, be heart broken, laugh until i hurt, dance in my underwear just because i feel like dancing, cry, bleed, create... all those other beautiful/painful signs that one is indeed alive. i just feel numb and i'm sick of it. equilibrium is boring. i'm terrified of stagnating. i need change.

speaking of change, i made an appointment today to be tattooed on monday which i'm quite excited about. i'm going to do the ribbon with 'i defy you, stars' on my ankle and 'veritas vos liberabit' in gotham on the back of my neck. so i'm stoked about these changes. i also need another hair cut. and i believe i'm leaving for seattle on the 28th or the 29th depending on whether anne's coming or not.

change is on the horizon. just a wee bit longer...

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

she


She
Beauty transcendent
Vanilla swirl soft serve
Freckled with sprinkles of Roy G. Biv

Eyes of sea and sky and star that pierce
Sing out like lighthouse beacons
Beckoning me home
Cuts through this fog of thoughts
Permeating the folds of this subconscious mind

Fragmentize
Analyze
Synthesize
Those eyes
Of pale green or blue, or is it aqua marine
The gods have yet to invent a name for a color
That is all color at once
Conducting an orchestra of smell, taste, touch, light, sound
To a crescendo of senses that ebb and swell

Redwood
I would wear each of your rings around my fingers
Beyond eternity
Scribes would spin tales of a love so epic
Chiseling our names on the walls of cathedrals

To dream of a kiss
Late summers’ blackberries
Drenched in heavy cream
The taste still whets my lips when I

Wake
Blink

On a pillow stained black
Ink blots of mascara
Tears slid sideways
Tearing ditches
Cheek bone, nose, to cheek bone
Needing stitches
And I wipe and wipe and wipe
But some stains never fade

Patient diagnosis: terminally ill
Warrior, casualty of love
Born A.D. 83
Died sometimes, somewhere far away
Awash in a sea of her own desire

And somewhere between
Wake sleep wake
A realization
Of this
Fantasy

But when one dreaming minute
Equates to lifetimes
We exist
If only in that lifetime

Blink