love others as you love yourself

my cousin zach recorded an interview with nonnie a few months ago.
zach: What information is important for you to record about your family
so that it will not be forgotten in the next generation?
nonnie: Our honesty and kindness

zach: what were you like when you were younger?
nonnie: I was a whip when I was younger!

wednesday night my mom called during my drama class to tell me that nonnie's breathing had become eratic, and that i might want to consider coming home. she called back several minutes later to say that she'd stabalized and that i should just stay at school. i didn't sleep well afterwards, and had nightmares all night long. when i woke up to do work before class the next morning, everything i've been dealing with lately seemed to hit me all at once. i couldn't stop crying. i called becky, and she told me that i didn't belong at school, i belonged home with my family. waiting for a phone call to say my grandma had died was too much to deal with on top of everything else.

i packed up some stuff and drove home, and planned to come home the next night.

when i got to the hospital, nonnie was in worse shape than the last time i'd seen her. her cheek bones were much more pronounced, and she was very thin. she hadn't eaten in 10 days. i said hi nonnie and kissed her head, but she didn't respond like she did last week. as i held her hand and talked to her, her eyes fluttered slightly. the nurse would tell me later that the last sense we lose before we die is our hearing.

i sat down on the couch next to my aunt kathy, and she asked me how things were going at school. as i started explaining everything i began crying again. she and my cousin jenn sat with me and hugged me. we talked about my problems and they reassured me that everything would work out eventually. i've never fealt that connected to my family, but things seem to have changed. i've reached out to them for help, and they've helped me tremendously. i can't help but feeling like this was some sort of master plan for nonnie. if there would be one thing she could ask before she died, i'm pretty sure it would be to bring her family closer together. becky was right. what i really needed was to be with my family.

i spent the next day at the hospital, and planned on leaving around 6. i wasn't really ready to go back to school yet, so i ended up staying longer than i'd planned. as i went back into nonnie's room to collect my stuff, the nurse told my aunt that she thought it was time.

we all stood around nonnie's bed and held her. as i ran my fingers through her hair for the last time i thought about how i'd sat in her lap as a kid and she'd done the same for me. i thought about how she would finally be with boppie, which is the only place she's ever wanted to be. some of us told her how much we loved her. some said prayers. i thanked her for everything she's ever done for me, told her i loved her, and asked her to say hello to boppie for me...

for as long as i can remember, nonnie has had some sort of back or neck pain. her doctor couldn't explain to us why after losing 5 pints of blood, she was still able to live for 15 days in hospice. one of the nurses was telling me that when pain is just a part of life for some people, your body learns to compensate for it in different ways. we think that her body thought that this was just another thing it was going to fight its way out of.

her obituary ran in the paper today. it read:
she was a woman of deep faith, selfless, loving, nurturing, compassionate and wise
whose spirit not even 30 years of pain could dim.
her joe and her family were her life.
she will be missed,
but her spirit will strengthen her family and friends always.

from my boppie, i carry on a love of craft, gardening, photography, tacky lawn ornamentation and fancy pants dancing. and while i may have lost a home within my grandmother, whatever burned inside of her that made her keep going for all those years, through everything she's been through, will burn inside of me forever. her memory brings me comfort and laughter, but above all,
strength.

may angels lead you in
here you me my friend
on sleepless roads the sleepless go
may angels lead you in

love is always patient and kind


i would like to thank everyone who has been so kind and supportive over the past few weeks. in no particular order, beck, kat, justin, daver, lesley, jenn, anne, jim, mariana, my aunts & uncles, mom, dad & kate. i love you.