where is your pure being now, tommy?

i'm just gonna accept my loneliness.
and i'm gonna go to an even darker place of nothingness.
from an even farther, more extreme nothingness
on my own!

i wish i could still write songs. i feel like i have so much stuff that i want to get out via music but it just won't come... it used to be really theraputic for me, and now it's just frustrating. but i guess i have other ways of expressing myself that i didn't before like art and photography... and writing

this semester seems to be dragging along. not enough work to do which leaves me with plenty of time for thinking, unfortunately. i prefer being so busy with work that i don't have time for random thoughts. i realize that's not exactly healthy, but it keeps me out of trouble. i'm scared about the future and graduating. i'm scared that my life is changing rapidly and that i feel like i'm just being swept along for the ride, and as of late it's been a very bumpy ride...

remember when you were little and you went to the beach and you jumped in the waves? they'd knock you down and you'd get caught in the undertow and it would flip you all around. you couldn't tell which end was up or down, and you got a lot of sand in your bathing suit. no matter how hard you struggled, you couldn't come up. and all you wanted to do was breathe...