wrong turn

and i will wait here a while
just long enough to be
sure that you
didnt make a wrong turn
and ill wait long enough
well maybe an hour or two
before i decide
it wasnt me, it was you
it wasnt me, it was you

and i would like you to know
although it seems sad to say
this was only the worst
hour of my day
the worst hour of my day

how long has it been on your mind
and do you think about it when we laughed
i think that its a big mistake
cause i think that we could make it last
even if its just for a while

ill wait here for now
just long enough to be
sure that you
really wanna go through with it
cause i dont really wanna go through with it
and do you really wanna go through with this

they say time will make all this go away

Oh no here comes that sun again
And that means another day without you my friend
And it hurts me to look into the mirror at myself
And it hurts even more to have to be with somebody else

And it's so hard to do and so easy to say
But sometimes - sometimes
you just have to walk away - walk away

With so many people to love in my life
why do I worry about one
But you put the happy in my ness
you put the good times into my fun

And it's so hard to do and so easy to say
But sometimes - sometimes
you just have to walk away - walk away and head for the door

We've tried the goodbye so many days
We walk in the same direction so that we could never stray
They say if you love somebody than you have got to set them free
but I would rather be locked to you than live in this pain and misery
They say time will make all this go away
but it's time that has taken my tomorrows and turned them into yesterdays
And once again that rising sun is droppin' on down
And once again, you my friend, are nowhere to be found

And it's so hard to do and so easy to say
But sometimes, sometimes you just have to walk away
walk away and head for the door
You just walk away - walk away - walk away
You just walk away
walk on
turn and head for the door

and it was god telling me, everything's gonna be alright

as i was driving home, my dad called me on the phone to update me on nonnie's condition. i asked if i could talk to her in case i didn't make it home in time, and he put her on the phone.

i said
hi, nonnie, how are you?
and she said
ooh megan
her voice was happy
she remembered me
i said
are you scared nonnie?
no. i've led a good life, and i have a good family.
ok nonnie, well i love you very very much, and i'll see you soon.
i love you too
click

i drove faster with nonnie's voice ringing in my head


i sat by her bed and brushed her hair. her eyes blinked open and closed.
i said, what are you thinking about nonnie?
you


there's something really beautiful about all of the images i shot over the course of the three days i was home. sad and tender. this one person binds all of these other people together. and they've all come to say goodbye to someone who has meant a lot to them their whole life.

and there is nothing left to do but wait...

love is watching someone die

thursday morning my mom called to say they were moving my nonnie from the icu to the hospice unit. she said i should come home as soon as possible. i spent the next three days in the hospital watching my grandmother slowly fade away. i went back to school saturday afternoon knowing that would probably be the last time i would see her.

things haven't been going well lately...


And it came to me then that every plan
Is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU
That reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself
That I’ve already taken too much today
As each descending peak on the LCD
Took you a little farther away from me
Away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines
In a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend
On a faulty camera in our minds
And I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose
Than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground
As the TV entertained itself

‘Cause there’s no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes ‘round and everyone lift their heads
But I’m thinking of what Sarah said
That love is watching someone die

So who’s gonna watch you die?

help is just around the corner

Stuck here, in the middle of nowhere,
With a head ache, and a heavy heart,
Well nothing was going quite right here,
And I’m tired, I can’t play no part.
Oh come on, come on,
Oh what a state I’m in,
Oh come on, come on,
Why won’t it just stay here?
Help is just around the corner, for us.

Oh my head won’t stop aching,
And I’m sat here, licking my wounds,
I’m shattered,
But it really doesn’t matter,
’cause my rescue is going to be here soon.
Oh come on, come on
What a state, I’m in,
Oh come on, come on,
Why won’t it just sink in?
Help is just around the corner, for us,
Help is just around the corner, for us,
Help is just around the corner, for us.

float on

veritas368: i was having trouble with the plant thought last night
veritas368: it seemed strange, or something
lil leyla 1: you're sad that your pretty plant is dying
lil leyla 1: not weird

be and be not afraid

When you get the blanket thing you can relax
because everything you could ever want or be,
you already have and are

i'm having trouble with my plant. it doesn't seem to want to go on... the sush keeps eating it and then it turns yellow. sush will not stop eating the plant, and the plant is dying. sigh.

silly sush.

>sleepy time>

where is your pure being now, tommy?

i'm just gonna accept my loneliness.
and i'm gonna go to an even darker place of nothingness.
from an even farther, more extreme nothingness
on my own!

i wish i could still write songs. i feel like i have so much stuff that i want to get out via music but it just won't come... it used to be really theraputic for me, and now it's just frustrating. but i guess i have other ways of expressing myself that i didn't before like art and photography... and writing

this semester seems to be dragging along. not enough work to do which leaves me with plenty of time for thinking, unfortunately. i prefer being so busy with work that i don't have time for random thoughts. i realize that's not exactly healthy, but it keeps me out of trouble. i'm scared about the future and graduating. i'm scared that my life is changing rapidly and that i feel like i'm just being swept along for the ride, and as of late it's been a very bumpy ride...

remember when you were little and you went to the beach and you jumped in the waves? they'd knock you down and you'd get caught in the undertow and it would flip you all around. you couldn't tell which end was up or down, and you got a lot of sand in your bathing suit. no matter how hard you struggled, you couldn't come up. and all you wanted to do was breathe...