And she said losing love Is like a window in your heart

this is my graphic representation of the year 2006
kitty looks... angry! or maybe mangy... perhaps it's envy? or even hungry...

i just made a piece of toast and put peanut butter on half, and strawberry jelly on the other half. i then folded it in half unto itself. mmm. yum!

i thoroughly enjoy what is swiftly becoming my nightly habit of 11 pm daily show followed by the colbert report. tonight they were both talking about james frey and how he is dead to oprah. who the freak cares if he embellished his memoire a scoche, the book was still amazing.

which leads me to think that if oprah were presedent of the world, people would be held accountable for their actions and she would just straight up get shit done. there would be NO LYING in oprah world! straight up.

plans for tomorrow:
read with little kids at 11:45
get hairs cut shortly afterwards
drive out to manlius to take some pictures of some fields
oh shit- i need to talk to john manion about my photo project for thursday... (it is IMPERATIVE that there be NO clipping in the histogram. IMPERATIVE!)
memorize little snippet for drama
go to drama at 6:30- hooray!

drama is quickly becoming my favorite class. it's just as fun as drama with mrs. rickard in high school except no nasty mood swings or angry bouts of rage displaced on the students.

have you ever bitten your finger while putting food in your mouth? well i have. and it sucks.

i will be your lightning, if you will be my rod

excerpts from a conversation:

i see things like bags drifting, and leaves and trees and sidewalks all as little moments
like little gifts
my drama teacher in high school used to say when random things happened on stage it’s like a gift
because you have this completely random moment to create something off the top of your head
kind of like freestyling
but i think you can learn to appreciate little moments
that’s what i try to get people to think about when they see my work
so it’s like a completely reflection of how i think, in visual form
that’s pretty rad
if it works

i like music loud, it’s like i’m inside of it
or it’s inside my head just making all of its sounds
and everything goes quiet again, except the music
for some reason i want to say it’s like flying... but i’m not sure why

i feel like i study people a lot... and my art work doesn’t generally deal with that, and i’m not really sure
maybe it’s that fear of putting something down on paper... and that i censor my art projects or something... if that makes sense

sometimes i see a keyboard in my head and i type on it
or i say things, or think them and then type them
it’s like an exercise or something
but my mind is always busy like that
doing something...
clicking away

and
when we’re sitting here
it’s like i’m completely at peace
all i can feel is each moment
and i’m calm
and there isn’t shit constantly running through my head
noises i can never quiet
and in those moments i’m still

to respond to that, i’m not sure what i would say, except that you said that very beautifully and it sounds like lyrics. its very true and honest and just because i don’t have a response to it, doens’t mean it didn’t hit me. i sort of internalized what you said, but didn’t verbalize my appreciation for it. nor do i have a response like well that makes me think this.
“all i can feel is each moment” that is beautiful. sometimes i think you can do that more than i do. i often watch what’s happening, but analyze it or try to keep track of what’s been said or something. i’m not in the moment a lot. and even with you i stay outside it sometimes i think. if i think about that, which most times i don’t. it’s scary to think about what you’re thinking about. to bring to consciousness the thoughts as you’re thinking them, because then it’s like you’re not being yourself, you’re watching yourself.

i don’t feel that or experience those moments so i can’t relate or something. or you have some super power that i don’t understand. this hyper-sensitive ability to photograph moments as they’re happening. i don’t know why. but the moments are there and i just subconsciously or want to ignore them. or push them away.

if i do nothing else in my life, i would just like to inspire others
to feel
and to do good things
like dance
but you should try it some time
living right now, that is
or just completely opening yourself up to what is going on around you and soaking it in
and feeling it purely

i am a man without a country

kurt vonnegut is my new hero. it's because he says things like this (from 'man without a country'):

if you want to really hurt your parents, and you don't have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do is go into the arts. i'm not kidding. the arts are not a way to make a living. they are a very human way of makign life more bearable. practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. sing in the shower. dance to the radio. tell stories. write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. do it as well as you possibly can. you will get an enormous reward. you will have created something.

electronic communities build nothing. you wind up with nothing. we are dancing animals. how beautiful is is to get up and go out and do something. we are here on earth to fart around. dont' let anybody tell you any different.

no matter how corrupt, greedy, and heartless out government, our corporations, out media, and our religious and charitable institutions may become, the music will still be wonderful. if i should ever die, god forbid, let this be my epitaph:
the only proof he needed
for the existence of god
was music

in case you haven't noticed, we are now as feared and hated all over the world as the nazis once were. and with good reason.

if there's anything they (people in power) hate, it's a wise human. so be one anyway. save our lives and your lives, too. be honerable.

doesn't anything socialistic make you want to throw up? like great public schools, or health insurance for all?

joe, a young man from pittsbur, came up to me with one request: "please tell me it will all be okay."
"welcome to earth, young man," i said. "it's hot in the summer, and cold in the winter. it's round and wet and crowded. at the outside, joe, you've got about a hundred years here. there's only one rule that i know of: goddamn it, joe, you've got to be kind!"

what you respond to in any work of art is the artist's struggle against his or her own limitations

this is beginning to sound like one of those stupid emails that gets forwarded to a million people. but the book is super funny, and vonnegut is a very, very wise man. and that, in a nutshell, is why kurt vonnegut is my new hero.