don't dwell on the pain

this week has left me feeling absolutely exhausted... and all i want to do is sleep in super late tomorrow but i have to register at 10am and then meet with the dean of students at 1:30. so much for the sleeping on plan.

the work is starting to pile up for the end of the semester. i'm supposed to shoot my mural print for yasser this weekend but i don't know if it's going to happen due to the difficulty of the shoot and the people i need to help me with it.

i'm also having trouble falling asleep. every time my mind gets one spare second, all i can think about is the shitty stuff on my mind and i start to panic. i also need to go to the health center tomorrow because my cheek is infected from accidentally biting it too many times and my face is all puffy :
today mooney was talking about the book i'm supposed to be reading for class, and he was saying that we can't say that the world is inherently good, or inherently bad because we have no real way of measuring such a thing. i asked if evolution will bring a more inteligent person who will use their inteligence to better the world instead of blow each other up, which seems to be what we do with our advances in science, intelligence and technology thus far. he said just like the first hypothesis, there's no way to measure that either. we talked about war and what it is that allows us to kill each other in such situations. i said that any time we take the black and white stance that i'm right and you're wrong, either you're with us or you're with the terrorists, it makes us feel like we can do whatever is in our power to eradicate the 'wrong doers'. sometimes the world confuses me tremendously...

i'm exhausted and i need a hug, or someone to hug me and make this all magically go away and make me feel like the future will be a-ok. did you ever feel like something was very wrong inside, something you couldn't necessarily pinpoint, but you needed someone else to just fix it for you? i don't know what i want or need you to do, just do -something-.