give me your eyes, i need sunshine

and I could take another hit for you
and I could take away your trips from you
and I could take away the salt from your eyes
and take away the spitting salt in you
and I could give you my apologies
by handing over my neologies
and I could take away the shaking knees
and I could give you all the olive trees
oh look at the trees and look at my face and look at a place far away from here

Give me your eyes
I need sunshine
Give me your eyes
I need sunshine
Your blood
Your bones
Your voice
and your ghost

We've both been very brave
Walk around with both legs
Fight the scary day
We both pull the tricks out of our sleeves

but I'll believe in anything
and you'll believe in anything



I let you down
how could i be a fool like me
I have no lid upon my head
But if I did
You could look inside and see
What’s on my mind
I let you down, oh, forgive me
You give me love
Let me walk with you, maybe I could say
Maybe talk with you, open up
And let me through
Don’t walk away
Don’t walk away

but now she lives inside someone she does not recognize

it's quiet in here
inside my head
in the space i go
to hide from your eyes

it's quiet in here
inside my head
which is usually full of thoughts
and the silence is deafening

we are all a witness to the rape of the world

this is my mural print for yasser's class. can't wait to see what it looks like at 30x40 inches. he he. kat says it looks like i'm about 12, and dave says it's just plain creepy. i think it's successfully creep-tastic.

tonight i wrote a song. hooray : )

i have a dream that one day this nation will rise up

the end of the semester is nearing, and the work is piling up. i made a list the other day and i'm trying not to be completely overwhelmed by it right now...

i go home for thanksgiving on wednesday which i'm not really looking forward to. seems like just about every year around my birthday my parents and i end up in a huge fight. can't wait for this one!

the other night i was driving with kat and leyla to get doughnuts on erie. we turned around a corner and there was this guy walking up the street towards us, and i was looking at him as we got closer to him, and just as we were about to pass him, i realized he had a gun in his hand. i realize this shouldn't be too shocking considering this is syracuse, but besides scaring the shit out of me for a bit it made me think. i wasn't really worried that he'd shoot at us so much as where he was going with that gun...

i read the newspaper every day and i wonder what the hell a bunch of old, rich white men think they can do to fix the real problems plaguing our country. poverty, homelessness... there's this photographer who calls himself boogie who shoots a lot of documentary style city stuff who i think sums it up pretty well:

low income housing, apart from the poor, houses gangs, drugs and violence. it houses a community of hopeless young people, who never had a childhood or were given a chance to start a life free of the rules of the ghetto. prostitution, theft, extortion are the means of survival in a drug filled environment that leads into a vicious cycle of violenc,e poverty and high mortality rate.

twenty years ago, the crack cocaine plague spread throughout the ghettos of urban america. it brought a surge in violence, caused by territorial rivalry between gangs, all fighting for their share of drug business. the affordable price of crack brought this highly addictive and lethal substance into the hands of those always in search fora way out of their misery - the poor.

gang related shootings soared. a whole array of social problems came along to accompany the gang lifestyle, adn we are faced with them today. children who grew up with gang role models and who are coming from famillies with drug addicted parents and/or broken homes skipped childhood. to prove their maturity they got involved in crime and early sexual actrivity. teenage and adult prstitution, drug dealing and theft replaced work. teenage pregnancies becme the norm, with young girls hoping to form adn maintain their families, but failing to do so as a rule. single mothers were left to fight for a normal life for their children, but wihtout education or any job prospects, they never stood a chance.

and that was the beginning of a never-ending cycle.

boogie
http://www.artcoup.com/movie.html

makes my problems seem so insignificant...

i'll pretend that everybody here wants peace

design shapes people's thoughts and desires, their lives even. it's so powerful and so ubiquitous that design graduates should be made to pledge to use their new-found communicative powers for the good and betterment of mankind.
-cranmer & zappaterra

jack st*r says: the BRIGHT side is the RIGHT side

sunday night i spent about two and a half hours in a cold/gross bath tub all in the name of art. but i got the negs back from jeff today and they look like they're going to be amazing. we were shooting with a giant 4x5 because i'm going to scan it with the fancy $20,000 imacon scanner at 3,000 dpi and then edit and print digitally. we decided to do 4x5 because it's going to be printed at 30x40 inces. big = woo hoo! lots of numbers. my b...

thanks to jeff and loller and everyone else who was a big help to me this weekend : )

long weekend. must sleep...

don't dwell on the pain

this week has left me feeling absolutely exhausted... and all i want to do is sleep in super late tomorrow but i have to register at 10am and then meet with the dean of students at 1:30. so much for the sleeping on plan.

the work is starting to pile up for the end of the semester. i'm supposed to shoot my mural print for yasser this weekend but i don't know if it's going to happen due to the difficulty of the shoot and the people i need to help me with it.

i'm also having trouble falling asleep. every time my mind gets one spare second, all i can think about is the shitty stuff on my mind and i start to panic. i also need to go to the health center tomorrow because my cheek is infected from accidentally biting it too many times and my face is all puffy :
today mooney was talking about the book i'm supposed to be reading for class, and he was saying that we can't say that the world is inherently good, or inherently bad because we have no real way of measuring such a thing. i asked if evolution will bring a more inteligent person who will use their inteligence to better the world instead of blow each other up, which seems to be what we do with our advances in science, intelligence and technology thus far. he said just like the first hypothesis, there's no way to measure that either. we talked about war and what it is that allows us to kill each other in such situations. i said that any time we take the black and white stance that i'm right and you're wrong, either you're with us or you're with the terrorists, it makes us feel like we can do whatever is in our power to eradicate the 'wrong doers'. sometimes the world confuses me tremendously...

i'm exhausted and i need a hug, or someone to hug me and make this all magically go away and make me feel like the future will be a-ok. did you ever feel like something was very wrong inside, something you couldn't necessarily pinpoint, but you needed someone else to just fix it for you? i don't know what i want or need you to do, just do -something-.

i need more love every day of my life

Love is not about getting something done. It is about communication, about realizing that someone else is not just an object to manipulate or control, but is a real subject as well. Love is about bearing witness, accepting the unique and irreducible presence of another. Recognizing that another person is both different and real, according to Irigaray, means "respecting you as an other, accepting that I must draw myself to a halt before you as something insurmountable, a mystery, a freedom that will never be mine." I recognize that you are and will always be different from me, that I cannot see through you and thus you will never be entirely visible to me. But that recognition is the beginning of a new way of relating, one based not on manipulation of an object, but on communication with another subject. It's not a world of force and impact. It's a realm of attention and openness-openness to you. "To you" is an indirect object: the action engages it, but in a very specific way. I listen to you; I respond to you. Not to anyone in general, but to you in particular. The title of Irigaray's book, by the way, is I Love to You. Put simply, what she's trying to point out is the difference in language and in life between "I hit the ball" and "I listen to you."

http://www.allsoulsnyc.org/publications/sermons/ggsermons/indirect-object.html




i want to be loved because you want to love me, not because i have to ask you to love me.

love is watching someone die

the sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful, and so are you

so this was my last photo project for yasser's class. my favorite is the one with the stitches. lots of photoshop fun on that one. kudos to jeff and leyla for being so patient with me and helping with the shooting. i think i'm going to do one of the headshot type images for our mural print. i like them because they're definately kind of creepy and surreal.

things have been kind of stressful as of late, but today was a breath of fresh air, so to speak. i got 22% off of the new society of publication design anual at the bookstore which was awesome. i also ran into johnna at lightworks and i volunteered to teach her how to use photoshop (hooray!) and we're going to do lunch or something. i was just really excited to run into johnna because i really like her a whole lot and she really pushes me artistically. she's also funky and honest and kind of weird and awesome and i appreciate that a whole lot.

today in digi photo i got to teach my group about the pen tool and taught them some of the things i learned how to do at make this summer. i really like teaching people things. share the love/knowledge!

yasser also looked at some other images i shot this weekend and said he really liked two of them (which i shall post) and when i asked him why, he said they're kind of just magical. that makes me happy : )
so i think for my final project i shall continue shooting along the same vein.

so apparently miranda july has a blog as well and she posts all sorts of delightfully thoughtful tidbits. you should check it out.
http://meandyou.typepad.com/

ps: the new nominee for the supreme court, judge alito, ruled on a bill in pennsylvania that said women could have an abortion only if they had permission from their husbands. ----- that makes me want to yell nasty things ------ needless to say, i'd rather not HAVE the right to an abortion than have to ask my HUSBAND PERMISSION. note, that requires that you have a husband in order for it to even be possible for you to have an abortion...

sigh.