am i ebb, am i flow

i had a burst of creative energy this weekend and it fealt really good. jason & i padded around his house taking photos, playing the guitar and poking at the fire. it's good to have a friend i can do both anything and nothing with. yesterday i went rock climbing and then hung out with anne and watched sarah silverman's jesus is magic and i'm pretty sure she's the funniest woman alive.

work is good, friends are great & all is well in the land of em.

ooh my darling, it's too beautiful to be

i'm tired. and relatively discouraged. i think for the first time in my life i have to exert a tremendous amount of effort to learn something and do it over and over again and i'm not used to that. i know i'm growing and learning but that doesn't make it any less exhausting

i also have some seriously nasty pains in my neck that i can't get rid of. anne and i are going to take yoga, but that doesn't start until the end of the month. no amount of stretching is going to make this go away any time soon...


my parents came out to visit this weekend. it was really cool to have them around and simultaneously very awkward. it was also very exhausting because we were constantly running around so my weekend was not very relaxing.

regina and i went out on saturday and i realized how much i miss having female friends. apparently most of my friends here are guys, and the repore is just completley different. i really like hanging out with regina. she is a kind soul.


last night as i was falling asleep i kept having this feeling that i was a little tiny person pulling the strings inside of a big shell of a person. it wasn't a good feeling.

i also keep having these thoughts as i'm trying to sleep and right as i wake that i can not shake or make go away.


very late at night
and in the morning light
nobody knows me at all

it also seems like every other day i don't know what the hell i'm doing with my life. i presume this is normal at this stage of the game, but it's getting really old really quickly. all i know is that i want to be happy and do something that i love. guess that's what most of us want though...

i do know that i want a place to live for a few years where i can have some plants, my cat & a newspaper subscription.

swalllowed in the sea

i can't help it, you know
if i have feelings

:: science of sleep ::

be careful of my heart

i sit in front of a computer for 8 hours a day. i make things with/on a computer.

i wish i had time/motivation/means to make things that had nothing to do with computers. like pots.

even breathing feels alright

i have acquired some new friends from the local plantery. jason helped me repot them and transport them to their new home on my night stand. it will be nice to wake up next to another living thing in the morning. i'm also hoping they will help combat the wintery greys.

i will name them after fonts. this will require some thought...

pa-do-gees

a scrantonian night in ballard was had by jason, regina and myself on friday. what a delightful evening! we talked about colloquialisms and the ethnographical makeup of scranton. it's cool to be able to talk about home (can i still call that home?) from an outsiders perspective. regina is writing a mini novel next month that's all about scranton so it seems that the talk of nepa shall continue. such a strange strange place...

maybe then we already are home

:: weekend ::
went to the beach and sat in the sun. fealt the sun on my feet. made dinner with megan, jason & regina. picked tomatoes, played board games and petted cats. shopped with anne. more sun sitting. sat in gasworks in the sun. ate pizza and saw science of sleep. in the words of the great shep hildebrand, life is good.

remember when you were only a child
and you start to see with your blue mind
don't be afraid of what you find

i need someone, someone who hears

different perspectives are what make us all so uniquely beautiful



i want to dissolve
hold me

before the day i die, i'm gonna touch the sky

today at work robynne was asking me what i planned on doing after i left modern dog. i told her i wasn't sure, but i really wanted to be able to stay in seattle. i love the city, and i've made a whole bunch of friends that i'd like to keep for a while before i go moving again. she said that the fact that i drove all the way across the country for an internship said that i was a very driven, go-get-em kind of kid which will serve me well in the design world. hooray : )

on another work related note, i've been helping robynne with an ad for Country Music Television which has been incredibly fun. i'm learning so much at work, and it feels really great!

now all i need to do is find a real job that i'll love as much as this one... but i'll worry about that when the time comes.

i was lonelily looking for someone to hold

it's getting colder aaaand it seems i'm getting sickly. i wonder if the two things are related. i become concerned when i start feeling sick because i usually stay mildly ill for an elongated period of time. i came home from work today and napped for 2 hours and had some crazy dreams which i didn't realize were dreams until much later in the evening. then i went to the rose with emma to see "team gina" which was pretty awesome. afterwards we went to safeway so i could get some drugs for my illness. emma got a bottle of wine and remarked how incredibly unhealthy she appeared in line behind me and my medicine.

on that note, i shall take a tylenol pm to go with my chamomile tea and wrap my sickly self up in this big fluffy down comforter.
*good night, moon*

would you like a reeses?

it's getting colder...

fist deep in cowboy butter

this is rob's dog darwin. he's still a puppy and comes to work with us. he makes my sush void a little more bearable on a daily basis.

today at work i got to take lots of pictures for a poster which was awesome. makes me realize how much i still really love photography. mike insisted that the other intern, tara, document my photographing and the making of the poster with his video camera. mike and robynne are giving in arkansas, and at lunch today they came up with this idea to stick a bunch of doughnuts into a gum ball machine and put a "missing" sticker on the front with their faces on it. so the four of us drove to krispey kreme and robynne ordered "the double dozen deal" which made us all laugh uncontrollably. robynne then explained to the girl in the drive through window that she would not be eating all the doughnuts by herself, as there were three other people in the car. more laughter ensued. work rocks but i'm still having a hard time functioning at 9 a.m...

breathe me

: a thought!
: passion means/is sacrafice
; to sacrafice one has to give up something of real value, other wise its not a sacrafice
: does this mean that the more passionate someone is about something, the more they are sacraficing for it
: and, at what point, is that a bad thing
: now then, im going to eat my skittles

besame mucho

welcome to the modern dog office : )


tito came to visit this weekend and we went to the library


we took pictures lying on the floor because of the beautiful wooden typography


we crawled around on some public sculptures!


then tito and luke cooked me the most amazing dinner i've had in a very long time, and we invited some new friends over. they both donned aprons and weilded dull kitchen knives. the phrase "fist deep in mussel butter" was born and tossed around the modern dog office the next day.


tito decided to consume some house plants and pose as a koala bear because his apron had koalas on it.
i really love spending time with him... we always have so much to talk about, and are so accepting of each others ideas. he helps me better understand myself and i think i help him to better understand himself as well... i feel as though our relationship is very rare and special, but will continue for a very long time... his presence will be missed on phinney ave north...

after work, shawn came over and we made some delicious grilled cheese sammiches and watched the art:21 series that i rented from the amazing video store down the street. today at work he sent me a very beautiful email... he is a sweet and sensitive person, even though he'd rather pretend to be bitter and cranky hehehe

let it die

everything i want to say sounds so patronizing...
everything i feel sounds like a cliche song lyric...


the saddest part of a broken heart
isn't the ending so much as the start
the tragedy starts from the very first spark
losing your mind for the sake of your heart
the saddest part of a broken heart
isn't the ending so much as the start

song for you

So today I wrote a song for you
Cause a day can get so long
And I know its hard to make it through
When you say theres something wrong

So Im trying to put it right
Cause I want to love you with my heart
All this trying has made me tired
And I dont know even where to start

Maybe thats a start

Cause you know its a simple game
That you play filling up your head with rain
And you know you are hiding from your pain
In the way, in the way you say your name

And I see you
Hiding your face in your hands
Flying so you wont land
You think no one understands
No one understands

So you hunch your shoulders and you shake your head
And your throat is aching but you swear
No one hurts you, nothing could be sad
Anyway youre not here enough to care

And youre so tired you dont sleep at night
As your heart is trying to mend
You keep it quiet but you think you might
Disappear before the end

And its strange that you cannot find
Any strength to even try
To find a voice to speak your mind
When you do, all you wanna do is cry

Well maybe you should cry

And I see you hiding your face in your hands
Talking bout far-away lands
You think no one understands
Listen to my hands

And all of this life
Moves around you
For all that you claim
Youre standing still
You are moving too
You are moving too
You are moving too
I will move you

I am carrying this scrap of paper that can crack the darkest sky wide open

that's me! hooray!
today was my first day of work and it was quite exciting, despite my nervousness. we're currently working on some luggage tags for blue q, a bid for hasboro, and a logo for an english teaching thing in france. there are also 3 office dogs that are wonderful for petting and loving and lots and lots of talking about design related stuff. yay : )


facebook just got much much creepier. though this little tidbit about miss molly did substantially brighten up my day. hahaha

tito's coming tomorrow!! yaaaay!!!! i do love tito very much. he's a wonderful friend for talking to and discussing the world & ideas with. how grand!

i ran into regina and jason on my way to get spring rolls for dinner tonight. we talked and laughed a lot and i enjoy their company very much. jason remarked that our encounter was the most he'd heard me talk since we met and i laughed a lot. apparently they thought i was shy... how is that possible?

i now have to be at work monday-friday at the ass crack of 9 a.m. so i need to begin tucking myself into bed earlyish. i'm not sure i'll ever like mornings though... blah! thank god this city has enough caffeine to fuel a hundred megans!!

... a hundred megans is a scary, scary thought ...

i say tell me the truth but you don't dare

1.) went to bumbershoot on sunday and was completely overwhelmed by the people and everything that was going on. did a lot of seemingly pointless walking and bumping into people. reminded me of why i always listened to my ipod when i lived in nyc... too much stimulation. flatstock was incredible except for the people. i wish i had someone to talk about the posters with... it made me soooo happy to see all of that stuff, and then the people made me agitated. i did get to talk to jay ryan, and mentioned holly and syracuse and we chatted for a bit. he seems like a lovely fellow. i saw sonya kitchell (who has an incredible voice for anyone, let alone a 17 year old) and jose gonzalez and more hoardes of people that made me feel like i exist on a different planet than them. all in all, the day was pretty terrible. the highlight was a little boy in a wonderfully striped shirt & darth vader mask and the delicious apple i brought with me. oh and these lovely lights. the boy also did a wonderful t-rex impression. i hope i'm never too old to do a t-rex impression when the mood strikes me.



2.) i'm so sick of cynicism, and i'm exhausted by people that have plenty of bad shit to say but nothing good. i don't want to censor my thoughts because someone will tell me they're stupid or wrong. i refuse to be made to feel small. i'm sick of people claiming they're open minded and then realizing they're quite the opposite. i miss people like bob who are ageless and childlike. i miss unconditional love, support and acceptance that won't evanesce over night.
"i want to live life and never be cruel"



3.) made a new friend today named shawn. he seems like a kind & gentle soul. we threw rocks off a cliff at discovery park into the sunset because i really fealt like throwing rocks. i also shuffled around in the sand in my bare feet. we're going to go on a field trip to look at art and talk about it which makes us both very happy.

keep your hands warm inside my pockets

i wasn't having such a good day the other day, and neither was davers. fortunately we both have web cams, so hilarity and lots of photos left us both feeling much better!

while i'm getting pretty bored of sitting around, that's all about to change because i start at modern dog on tuesday. hooooraaaaay!! this is gonna be kiiiind of awesome...

i hung out with miss anne the other day and it's great to run around the city with her : ) oh and miss kat will probably be coming out in october!!! yaaaay!!!

yesterday i was lying on a blanket in gassworks park, and i decided to give my mom a call. we pretty much have the same conversation every time i call her, and it consists of the weather and the status of the pets. she's also taken to putting the sush "on the phone" with me and swears he knows it's me. i'm not terribly convinced, but i will oblige her regardless. i watched the sail boats while basking in the sun and told her about how much i love it here. i told her that i really want a place i can live for a few years where i can finally have pets, a newspaper subscription, plants & some decent furniture... i think this upset her... i think she was really hoping i wasn't going to like it and would come back to the east coast after modern dog. i think she's afraid i'm never going to come home again. who knows where i'll end up. all i know is that i'm making lots of friends, i'm super happy and i really love this city!

seattle = delicious food, new friends, beautiful water & all the delights of a city. now if only there could be a sush...

cuz i am too tough to die

haven't written in a while... i've been busy trekking across the country and moving into my new home, which isn't so much my home as some austrailian woman with an affinity towards kangaroo pelts whom i have never met. but i'm settling in, and things are slowly normalizing. some highlights of the past month or so are as follows:



a. ) stayed with daver in his pimp ass chicago apartment for a week and lived like a freakin rock star. notable events included painting our faces with crayola crayon things, obtaining the 3rd season of the L word from the intranet & lounging around like a pampered house pet


b. ) we drove together from chicago to omaha to denver where we stayed with les & ben who graciously opened their new home to us and showed us around town. i hope to get back to denver to go snowboarding this winter


c. ) dave and i parted ways at denver. he headed south to LA to go to grad school at USC (with chris kosek) and i headed north towards yellowstone.


d. ) drove through yellowstone by myself and it was absolutely incredible! there are a whole bunch of photos up on my flickr site... lots of tourists though. but i did see a bison and a bunch of deer looking things!


e. ) some amazing driving north of yellowstone through to eastern washington. lots of twisty turney hills and things with not much of a speed limit... hehehe


f. ) arrived in seattle. the neighborhood i'm living in is called fremont and it seems really super cool. i got to hang out with the previous subletter, sam, for a few days and i'm sad he had to leave cuz he was really cool. we have a giant troll under a bridge here

g. ) discovered just how expensive organic grocery stores are. wished for walmart for the first time in my life


h. ) made friends with a boy named chris klink. we spend our days talking about music and graphic design and swinging on swings. life is good.

i. ) met the kind folks at modern dog which i believe will be my next daily orange. they work in a house with a living room full of couches, guitars & snowboards. there are posters and stuf all over their walls. noted large mystery hole in ceiling. i am home. work starts sept 5th and i can't freakin wait!!!

j. ) had some more poetic-ish thoughts before bed time:
a cold breeze blows across my shoulder
stiffening the hairs on the back of my neck
it whispers in my ear
i am still here


k. ) i miss the sush and my guitar like whoa. i also miss daver, miss kat, jamelah & my mum. hopefully when my parents come out in september they'll bring the sush and my guitar with them, and maybe if i'm lucky miss kat will move out here soonish : )